More back end archiving as we shift the blog to http://www.realitycompound.info

Yeah that’s right. It’s never over.

By god, as long as male tigers still walk the earth, and though with each passing day, berobed in decadent ambition, I become ever more powerful, let there still be time. Still time for our love, my sweet Ambrozia!!!

MUAHAHAHA

http://www.realitycompound.com

I’m on this whole colonisation of space trip.

My mate’s always going on about how the world is headed for disaster.

Me, I’m pretty confident in technology. The internet is making the global community a reality.

That’s why I hate hippies protesting about GE and nuclear power. Where mature (green) free market societies can rise so GE and nuclear power will not be used by white corporate fucks to fuck poor peoples asses . . . it’ll save our asses.

If we run out of oil we’ll synthesize it with biofeul.
If we run out of water making biofeul we’ll synthesize it with nuclear powered desalinators (y’know so we can water plants with the sea and stuff)

But all those poor people overseas will keep starving! We seriously need more condoms. Thats not a joke.

Things will probably get a bit nasty in our lifetimes, but we’ll get through. And with the advances in genetics . . .
what if people born in the 20th century were the last humans to die? That’d suck!

Then it’s off to space.

You know those ultra feminists how they don’t need men, y’know the “as long as there’s sperm on ice then we’re good without men” types?

Well, I just bummed out.

Boys won’t be going to colonise space. We’ll take up too much room. Way more room than a sperm bank. It’ll just add to the cost and damage to the atmosphere when you launch extra shit into space, in this case, like dudes.

Chicks will colonise space.

See THERE’s a movie I might be interested in watching. Like hot chicks on Saturn and aliens and stuff.

Well I’m still going to space before I die. Look down on the earth. That will be a trip.

Literally. By the time I get to that age I’m going to liberally self medicating. Dying of old age will be considered so 21st century.

But then I’m just going to upload to my brain and like chill. Then email it to the girls out on the moons of Saturn we’re they’ll have grown me a nice clone to download my brain into.

SWEEEEEEET

YES TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA PARTY LIKE ITS TWO THOUSAND AND NINETY NINE!!!!

Why do girls do surveys???

I have met some amazing chicks here in my time on myspace.

Intelligent women. Creative women. Beautiful women.

But they just can’t stay away from those dumb surveys where they tell everyone all these boring trivial minute details of their mundane lives!!!

Is it a deep genetic impulse known as the cleo/cosmo reflex?

Not a lot of research is available on the subject.

(ie by googling “why do girls do myspace surveys”) 

But it has been mooted that chicks are very much into “self discovery” and learning about “who they really are”.

See I already know I’m smarter than most people I meet it’s just up to me to make more money and date more models to prove it – oh and of course to present this ultra rationalised shallow facade to the world and see who buys it.
but this bulletin isn’t about that.

It’s about another funny old thing I’ve noticed, I even do it myself.

Look at your comments. Especially your PCs.

Have you noticed how often people say the same thing as others without even thinking?

For example:

One person says “Hey Matt, cool pic, nice hair, blah blah . . .  “

the chances that the next people to comment will start with the word “hey”, will use the adjective “cool” or mention my “hair” is dramatically increased.

I dunno, maybe people don’t really think that much.

Or they tend to treat their brains as a sponge for soaking things up and squeezing them out, rather than a muscle and working it. 

See if you notice what I’m talking about

Things have a funny old way of working out.

Though people who know me know sometimes I wear eyeliner for cheap thrills, on the whole I like to be a winner which means I don’t really take an interest in poor people, ugly people, stupid people and particularly . . . boring people and thier problems.

But we’ve all got tests to face. I’ve been meaning to blog about my recent religious experiences.

You see growing up in grey lynn I was taught from a young age that it’s okay for a man to put his penis up another man’s bottom, that voting national is wrong no matter how much you earn, and that believing in god is for uneducated people.

It is said that a man is really two men.

The man he is and the man he wants to be.

The man I want to be would probably date more models, but more importantly, wouldn’t have missed the awesome party last night.

But we all have tests to face and challenges to overcome. It is the will of the universe.  The idea that the will of the universe is an old man who has a beard and sits on a cloud is obviously the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard.

Sometimes you have to miss an awesome party in order to maintain your commitment to becoming, superior, smug, and dating more models.

Is it destiny, is it the will of the universe, is it some dude with a beard?

What’s the difference?

Things have a funny old way of working out.

Sometimes you work out and do your crunches to some driving drum’n bass.

Sometimes you put on some indie and think about a girl you used to know.

Sometimes you pump up an 80’s power anthem and punch the air because you’re a winner.

We’re following up on recent goat rape news with this wombat-strikes-back report.

>NEW Zealand man has been sentenced to community work after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak “Australian”.

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: “Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right, you know.”

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life.

oh the questions that remain . . . how did he get caught???

Final name suppression was granted today to a North Canterbury man who admitted trying to have sex with a goat.

In Rangiora District Court, Judge Brian Callaghan ordered the man, who turns 69 tomorrow, to undergo two years of intense supervision.

Judge Callaghan said the behaviour was “unusual, perverse and depraved” but his family, including the man’s wife, continued to support him and publication of his name would negatively affect any chances of his rehabilitation.

“It is unfortunate that cases of this nature, the way things are, attract overwhelming media publicity,” the judge said.

“There is no doubt a prurient interest (in the case) that people will want to read about. Unfortunately that is human nature.”

He said he believed the man’s wife was “bearing the greatest burden here”.

The judge noted the man’s previous sexual offending against pre-pubescent girls more than 20 years ago, which, he said, might explain why he chose an animal to satisfy his sexual urges.

“You are a sad case, really,” Judge Callaghan said. “This is such perverse and depraved behaviour it reflects a person of enormous deficiency in personality.”

At his earlier appearance the court was told the man believed he would not get caught because “animals couldn’t talk” and he would not be “told on”.

He had pleaded guilty then to the charge of attempting to commit bestiality with a goat.

Police said the man admitted taking the goat to the rear of his small lifestyle property in a rural township and trying to have sex with it.

After the unsuccessful attempt, the man did up his trousers, patted the goat and walked off.

“He was contrite but said he was unable to stop the behaviour,” the police prosecutor said.

Urging Judge Callaghan to grant final name suppression, lawyer Andrew McCormick said the man had “significant personal problems”, was unsophisticated, and as an “untreated sex offender” was at a high risk of reoffending.

When the public became aware of earlier offending against children he’d been “run out of town” and suffered regular beatings.

He’d suffered the “full spotlight of the public” and believed he was a prisoner in his own home, fearful of going out because of public hostility.

The man also suffered from a number of medical conditions, including sexual dysfunction.

“If this man’s identity is before the public, he and his family would become pariahs in the community,” Mr McCormick said.

Judge Callaghan noted the maximum penalty for similar offending had been reduced from life imprisonment at the turn of the 20th century to one of 3-1/2 years.

But he said he believed a jail sentence was not warranted despite the “niggling issue of sexual offending against young females over 20 years ago”.

We don’t need your fucking vote

Live and Local? Play at the BDO? Yeah yeah yeah, we know all about that . . . like we need you fucking voting for us in some fuckin’ shitty competition to think we’re cool . . . fuck that!

We’d just kick everyones arse. Bullshit? Um, like . . . 1200 friends?
Yeah, I said it. But who wants a bunch of shitheads like us playing at the BDO, anyway, we’d be a fucking embarrassment. And like we’d wanna play first thing in the morning to a bunch of twatty squares who turn up before mid-day.

We wanna be in the box with the buffet like fucking last year hanging with Brooke Fraser’n shit, we could be her bit of rough. Then cause a scene, clast some Icons, meet some spunky birds, maybe make half an effort to catch Soulwax, Go! Team, see if Iggy can make it through his set without needing a stretcher . . . but yeah then piss off back to the Compound for a shindig or hootinanny, because it maybe our only chance to hang with our out of town myspace friends.

Vote for one of these guys because they are our friends on myspace too, and obviously desperately need it:

Inverse order
Tomorrow Comes in Silence
Teen Wolf
The Rabble

Well only one of these bands are definately hipster. One of them has a fuckin dumb name and one of them is a bunch of bullshit sell outs. It’s amazing they haven’t sold their own . . . manager.

But y’know, yeah BDO. way fuckin’ hey! Why not stop acting like a human and become part of an obsessive mega throng of scum sucking vampires crawling over one another to get to your fucking precious scene royalty – just for a day? Sounds good.
M.I.A’s only playing in Australia. What a fucking crock of shit.

Let’s hang around outside and Compound some Reality. Give scenesters shit. Meet some nice birds to add to our collection.
See ya there.

Dei Hamo’s gonna rock . . . pfft – as soon as Common turns up it’s gonna be NZ Hip Hop sit the fuck down . . .

Addendum

So what is the difference between Slipknot and The Wiggles? Don’t fuckin’ laugh it’s a serious question!

Both dress up in funny costumes and play for little kids. I swear it was fucking Trick or Treat there were so many 12-year-olds walking round in facepaint.

“broom broom big red car” ?

Do they do that one?

Evil, man. Throw up ya fuckin’ goats, maggots!

Oh yeah? Why not come down here and call me a maggot, you fuckin’ tosser!

Surprised:
Beastie Boys
John Spencer

Impressed:
Shapeshifter

Let down:
Le Tigre

Pointing, laughing and shaking our heads:
Savage

Fuck Off:
The Streets. If that talent free zone can get a slot, then maybe we should be playing!

Scotty vs Reality (kinda like a Mills & Boon)

As you may know, Scotty Rocker has accepted our request and added Reality Compound!!! So super mega uber happening or what?

But it hasn’t been without it’s dramas though, compound fans!!! Scotty has been quick to admonish us in the appropriate way to express our devotion for an idol of his stature, with respect and humility.

But it’s kinda like a Mills & Boon, where unbridled passions are often manifested early in the story, foreshadowing the turgid, lusty encounters to come.

NB: The producers would like to mention that Scotty has never made any indication whatsoever that he is a homosexual. Any reference to Scotty’s homosexuality is a mere projection of fantasy on the part of Reality Compound, and perhaps this guy Samwise, who suggested to us he might be.

Case in point:

Streetwise Scarlet (comment No. 261 / Nov 28, 2005)

I imagine Scotty has’nt added you because he is really struggling with his homosexuality at the moment and will most definately be trying to avoid all temptation.

Samwise.

TRANSCRIPTIONS AS FOLLOWS:

Sender: scottyrocker

Subject: dick

Body:

who are you? why you being a fuckhead? take my photo off your page and stop being an asshole. U want to make fun of me? come do it to my face. i like all sorts of music so me not adding you wouldnt be cos i didnt like your music. You calling me a homo? you sit on your computer and talk shit cos your a fuckin pussy.your the homo

Sender: Reality Compound

Hey Scott, bro.

I can see how you might have the wrong impression about our thoughts and actions towards you, and I’m sorry if we’ve upset you in any way. It was not our intention.

We are not Fuckheads. We are a bunch of guys who live in Grey Lynn and make hipster music.

I don’t think it is fair for you to ask us to remove your picture from our page. We have not doctored it or changed it in any way from how it appears on your page, and to be honest, would it be fair for Motley Crue to ask you to remove the picture of them from your page? Wouldn’t that come across a little mean-spirited? If you insist, we will consider it, but I don’t think we’re doing anything wrong.

We can’t stop being Assholes, Scotty, we are K rd Hipsters and it’s kinda what we’ve been doing for almost 12 years now. If you feel there is something on our page of a subjective nature that offends you personally, again we are willing to consider it seriously.

We are not making fun of you, that’s unfair. We’re all about supporting the local scene and real people who are a part of it, especially over an American equivalent. Our fan base is constituted mainly of teenage girls situated in New Zealand. We thought you would feel comfortable being projected as a sex symbol, especially as you represent a lot of ideals we respect such as a proud commitment to monogamy and your spiritual beliefs. We thought you would embrace this opportunity to raise your own profile, as well as that of the bands you play with.

And yes we will be coming to your face. Don’t worry about that. We are not ashamed or cowardly. Just let us warn you only this once that any inference to threats of a physical nature are pointless as we are not afraid of physical retribution, and our contempt for it will only incite us and worsen the situation for you.

It’s got nothing to do with our music. Our music is shit, everyone knows that. But we are scene aristocracy. Though our favours are spread thinly when it comes to Hardcore, might I remind you of our presence in the heady days of Balance and Pace Car, we are historians of ways local that are hip, and our archives sag heavy on the shelf. As for Emo . . . well the less said the better. Let there just be an unspoken knowledge between us, that our support will always lie with a New Zealander over an American equivalent. We have no axe to grind.

We never suggested you were a homosexual. This is the message we received:

Streetwise Scarlet (comment No. 261 / Nov 28, 2005)

I imagine Scotty has’nt added you because he is really struggling with his homosexuality at the moment and will most definately be trying to avoid all temptation.

Samwise.

We do not talk shit. Some of our bulletins may be irreverent or perhaps absurd, but are always well received wether on the subject of music, culture, the local scene, science, trivia, sex advice or what have you. We are not a fuckin pussy. A pussy is what Haezell found in her backyard. She called it “Albi” because it is a white one.

And YES, Scotty, if it wasn’t obvious, some of us here are HOMOSEXUALS. We’re sorry if that offends you, but just think that generally we would find homophobia of any form quite abhorrent, and while we cannot claim that we respect your views on homosexuality, we understand and tolerate this as part of your spiritual beliefs. Just remember that homosexuals are people to, and don’t deserve to be victimised for their sexual preferences.

I hope this clears up our position, we honestly felt that the ironic take on yourself you project as this band scene pin up boy was really well done, and a deft touch of profiling. we look forward to meeting with you and seeing your bands play in the new year.

I hope you will be willing to contribute songs, pictures, video or any written copy/statement for our local scene Reality Compound DVD coming in late Jan/Early Feb.

All the best,

Evil Robot

(custodian)

<b>Reality Compound</b>

Style Over Substance

The Further

IMPORTANT!!! REMEMBER to watch and learn from Scotty!!! -

“I’m a poser? No shit.”

- People don’t look in photos how they look in real life. Make sure you look better in your photos than you do in real life, not worse!

“I used to like eating lots of pies but i ended up getting fat so i went on a diet and became super cut and super good looking.”

- Be cut and good looking. Don’t be fat and gross.

“i have an SUPER amazing girlfriend in the whole wide world!!”

- Have a hot gf/bf. Make sure they are not ugly or fat.

“Your[sic] not even worthy of an infomercial. You also try too hard to attract attention to yourself so your[sic] the LAST thing television needs.”

- People who try to attract attention to themselves will NEVER make it to Celebrity Treasure Island.

“i promise you next time i see you its not going to be good. You have fucked me of[sic] to[sic] many times. take my picture off your site.”

- Don’t put Scotty’s picture on your page. He will tell Tom on you, and get his friend George to beat you up.
SUPERSIZE MY REALITY: THE STORY OF THE COMPOUND

ALRIGHT!!! When avant garde performance artists and Electrotrash iconoclasts Style Over Substance finally got their very own profile on Myspace, having to bunk up with Shoegazing The Further left them less than impressed:

“We sing about a future where we all have micro chips in our brains. These soppy radges are still bleating on about some bird who upped sticks on them three years ago.”

That’s when the boys discovered the myspace of Reality TV star, Drummer and celebrity SCOTTY ROCKER who said “I’m a poser? No shit.” And from then were inspired to embrace the fakecore emo scene, dressing like personality deficient, brain dead 15 year old scenewhores who’d do anything . . . JUST TO MAKE FRIENDS.

All RC acts are managed and overseen by scurrilous DJ/Producer/writer Romantech who says “Who gives a fuck if it’s a joke? I need to be getting my boys some gigs. My people ain’t eatin’. Y’all gotta break me off a lil’ summin’ summin’.”

KEEPING IT FAKEXCORE
Life may have made you bitter, ugly, stupid, humourless, poor etc. but thats no excuse not to make an effort to get people to like you. Don’t worry, no one wants to know the real you. Just pretend there isn’t one, you’ll be fine. Always act like you know. Don’t pretend you know, just act like it. When in doubt just say, “I know”. Trust me on this.

What if someone asks you a question? Again, just say “I know” as if the answer to that question is so obvious, it has no meaning. For example:

Matt’s Mum: “When are you going to tidy your room?”

Matt: “I know, mum.”

Guess whose just been added to the Compound friends list?

it’s

SCOTTY ROCKER!!!!

THEE Hot as spunkburger drummer from from the bands Cold by Winter and Streetwise Scarlet!!!!

Now don’t all you dirty whores be swamping him with adds because he is OUR friend, and it took us ages, so don’t think he just adds any dirty little slapper.
Check out Scotty’s page!!!

More info on this mega hot development soon!!! Or should I say Super hot? Yes I should.

More info on this super hot development soon!!!

About what you said . . .

I know what you’re doing.

So stop it.

I’ve seen what’s been going on. And I mean it. I’m not saying this to anybody else, and I know what you’re thinking, but you can say what you like. It’s not gonna wash with me. It’s not happening. Not on MY space, bucko. So you can just take your medicine and calm the fuck down.

You think I wanted all this?

You think I wanted it like this?

I wanted to be happy, but YOU wanted it like this! Last time we spoke, what did we say? That’s right. But look now, here we are again.

You, and me.

Same old FUCKING story. Read the movie, saw the book, it’s all the fucking same isn’t it? you don’t think about me?

You don’t even know who I am!

I’m just this huge nothing to you!

YOU DON’T FUCKING THINK ABOUT ME!!!!

Sometimes I swear you wish I was dead. That’s how you feel isn’t it? The way you look at me, I swear . . .

Well I’m not FUCKING dead.

And you’re not getting rid of me that easy. You can fuck yourself, because you just don’t do that to people.

What are you trying to achieve? You think you can just change everything now? After . . . everything?

Look, it’s finished, forget about it, just give it up. Do us both a favour. You can’t win this one. Don’t even bother.

It’s over.